The moral to my great life story of honesty, fidelity, trust and love has shown me at age 35, it doesn't matter who you are inside, it's how well you play a role. That's so sad. Why now do I get this? I led the perfect life first hidden behind my fake fairy tale smile and some cash for 15 years which I did nothing but gave Macy's to others while shopping proudly at Walmart, a moral marriage and 4 kids that I haven't seen in three months. To the dearest god, what have I ever done but help others and end up with immoral or mostly just deceased family and a dream. I'm only 35, not 85 yet. I never did wrong and I pay the price of almost death. All that's left is my strength to still see a future with those I testify friendship with. I stare at the universe and capture what I wish everyone saw as fascinating and full of beauty. I've learned a lot of grown ups still just see a surface. Never a possibility. To show my kids what it took me 25 years of of being just a role to appreciate was futile. I screamed for help and I was left alone to come out alive. I have, but just barely. I cling to every value I own up too. Some people end up here by default. I don't see purpose I see thoughtfulness as grown adults and care that so many fail to develop after years. I'm a mom too, first and foremost. Im where im at because i believe a first born teenage son should be disciplined and smacked open handed in the cheek for being the bully you fought so hard against, despite being the best parent. He even disappeared on the people who gave their lives to be foster parents so cowardly exes can give them away to raise while you fight alone and voice your outlet only legally and through creative messages in art. I have 3 great kids who care ( Andrew Flavell, Ava, and Caitlyn Flavell) but my 1st of four who is my now 14yo son Chris is going to be my worst nightmare despite doing all good and sacrificing health for happiness, to make life better. If I ever call you a friend, I'm there til the end. Always. Even if you aren't, I'll still be with you at your side when ya need me. I never ask for anything but will always give and protect you, your soul and what you offer the world in your name. —Jen
Originally posted on Facebook on July 22, 2016.
