2 years ago today I had gastric bypass surgery after having a Lap-band for 4 years (which was a nightmare, don't ever get one). Despite all the problems, I couldn't ask for anything better. At 160lbs I couldn't ask for a better outcome considering I spent 9 of my first 12 months pregnant, battling a cancer scare, and having open surgery next to the baby at 20 weeks all at the same time. Somehow through it all I still managed to stay on track and lose the weight and have kept it off. My last surgery was one year ago on Friday, and that was the day Ava was born. I don't want to see an operating table for a long time after having 7 surgeries in 2 1/2 years including 2 children in that time frame. I can finally say 2 years after this started that things are finally getting better in the health department.
*I had a scare tonight that I thought would land me back on the operating table, but thankfully that can be avoided this time!* It ended up being a ruptured cyst they think. Oakwood Southshore caught the last problem I had that started the whole mess after my bypass surgery, and they cleared me of a new one tonight. With this surgery comes sacrifice, but I will never say it hasn't been worth it. Though, *I still look in the mirror and see a 320lb person*, it is getting better. Once I can get all the nasty hanging skin removed, it'll be even better Growing up I took a lot of ridicule for my weight in school, even those on my own friends list, but I don't care about that anymore, I never let it bother me, which is why some people are on my friends list. I even had an odor problem that truly wasn't my fault. I had an evil stepfather that gave us shower allowances, because he was a cheap ass. Nobody ever bought me deodorant. The one year that happened was held against me for the rest of my time in school, and yes, it was embarrassing even though it wasn't true most of the time. I don't hold grudges. I've never been one for makeup but try to get my hair done once and a while. I value my personal appearance a lot more now than I ever did before, at least when I leave the house.
The constantly sagging clothes, like my 12's falling off my ass while holding my 2 girls today while walking into the pharmacy are me good reminders it's working. Sure, i've dealt with anxiety because of all this and the deaths and family cancer problems, but I really think I can pull through with little to no damage in the end and return to my former self (happy, satisfied, but not fat). Once I can look in the mirror and recognize the change, it will be great, but it takes time. When you grow up your entire life pretty much at the very least 100lbs or more overweight, you don't know what it's like to be this small. I probably weighed this in 5th grade last.
My insides might be rotting away from the inside out, lol, but nothing life threatening ever! It made my last pregnancy a nightmare from hell, but if it didn't happen on accident I wouldn't have my precious little sweet cheeks Ava, who turns 1 in just 2 more days! It was strange celebrating my 1 year gastric bypass anniversary with the birth of of my 1 year old Ava. You go through that life threatening surgery, and you find out your pregnant, I felt like I just did all that for no reason. I prevailed though, and that's all that's important. Now if I could get this anxiety straightened out and get back on the treadmill, life will be back to A-OK 🙂
There are some people in my life that really need to take this drastic step, like my brother. Watching him breath today while sleeping on the porch was a reality check. I discussed with him what I went through, how much I lost, and how much better it is than when I had a band and was puking all the time. If he could only just get insurance and a job. My video might be embarrassing for him, but it will take this video for him to snap out of his denial I hope. If I had the money to spare to send him to get it (about $12K if you shop around), I would, because then I know his quality of life will greatly improve. I've never watched someone go downhill so quick. The duodenal switch (dooh-ahhh-din-uhl aka DS) surgery would work best for him, but it's much more complex and costly. I just wish someone with some charity could help him before it's too late. It is far from easy to have this surgery, but it's all worth it in the end. It's affecting his ability to be employed, to help my mom while she has cancer, and it's quite obvious he has sleep apnea at the very least. He is in severe denial. He grew up pencil this as 99% of my family did (I was the exception) but he still thinks he can run a mile and do 50 push ups (severe denial). He has told me for the last 6 years that I have taken the easy way out and insulted me about it, while he sits there over 2.5x my size now at least. It was not an easy route, it never is. I have paid in more ways than one with my own health and it's hard, but you learn to live the new life. If you don't ever get it, you get fat all over again, but I have learned. He keeps saying he's on a diet, and at this point it's obvious, he cannot do it on his own. I saw him lost quite a bit of weight when I get my original Lap-band in 2005 because he was jealous, but then he gained it all back x2 I think, which is the typical roller coaster obese people are on all the time. It's not fair. I'd love to help him, but he's got to help himself. In the attached video, every time he lifts his head up, he's gasping for air. It was much worse than before I got my phone out to record it, but he was lifting his head up at the rate of every breath, and then would cough after a few times.
*Happy Hump Day*!!! Have a great day, and don't ever take a single day for granted! I will try to post my truly *after* pictures this week. I need to get my hair and eyebrows done first though! I've been through one heck of a 2 1/2 years and I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you Tinkerbell's Mentor for your inspiration, and thank you Laura A Snyder for being my room mate and talking to me before and after our shared date along with Ms. Suzy Carraway-Kelly for letting me help you out and talking to me about it, I remember your process well! Without it, I wouldn't be where I'm at now.
Originally posted on Facebook on October 5, 2011.
