It's been a good week!
Ten years ago I was getting ready to turn 21, and I was in my first weeks of pregnancy with my first child and my friends were bummed because I was supposed to go out and celebrate, but instead I was hormonal, my husband was out of town, and I didn’t feel like I was 21. Not to mention 9/11 had just occurred and I was kind of emotional about that and how my husband had to fly on a plane somewhere. I’m not sure when I got to finally feel 21 and take a drink, I didn’t have the baby until almost 22. So maybe New Years if I was lucky. My husband doesn’t drink (weird for British people), and to me honestly the taste of alcohol is disgusting. I don’t know how anybody can even sip on wine, I can’t get past the alcohol factor. I can’t even eat foods cooked with wine because I can spot it in the taste. I’m always the “designated driver” so rarely did I ever get the chance to drink. I don’t ever have time to drink since I became an adult. I never even partied once. The closest I ever came to a party was a get together my friend held at her apartment for New Years many years ago and like 8 people were there. We live an extremely quiet lifestyle. I haven’t been able to be an “adult” for over 3 years. I got pregnant with Caitlyn in May ’08, had her in Feb. ’09, insert about 5 months of free time, had my lap-band removed in July ’09, ate like crazy and gained 30lbs for the next 3 months, and I might have had a drink in that period, gastric bypass in Oct. ’09 and from that point forward was never able to take a drink of anything because of the surgery and subsequent pregnancy. It took me 10 months after my last surgery/baby to finally feel adult enough to sit down and have a drink after I had an argument and it still haunts me every single day to the point where I will not try it ever again. I will also never touch another Xanax in my life because of the nightmare I had for no reason.
The year is over for me, my issues settled and the only thing I’m left with is damage from Mercy. It will never leave me though. I will not go out quietly with that one though. I went to my doctors office again today (I go regularly to get refills on my Adderall monthly), and told them it’s going to haunt me forever. She said they should have never billed my insurance like they did because just as I have said, I don’t want my insurance falsely thinking something that wasn’t true. I still have a “stigma” attached to me that I shouldn’t have. I don’t talk about it much anymore to my family because it bothers me. Like the other day when I was at Southshore, all they had to do was let me bring up that day, and I break down. I called my husband while in the hospital bed and cried about it again for 5 minutes, and despite the fact that I wasn’t there for anything related, it upset me.
OMG though… my doctors office said I was flagged by the state for possibly doctor shopping of all things!! She said she and the doctor rolled their eyes, because yes, I doctor shop for *Tylenol 3* of all things!! What happened is I got flagged because I’m a clutz and do stupid stuff. I moved away from my primary doctor, so I’ve been to Mercy 2x for my tailbone, then I had to go to Southshore because Mercy tried to reverse their diagnosis and I needed verification, then the damage from Mercy I had to go to my bariatric surgeon for a procedure, an urgent care facility here in Monroe, an urgent care facility up near my mom, and Southshore twice. I’m not sure if the skating fall hospital/doctor visits were included in the flagging from last Nov. but I doubt it. Of course the state doesn’t look at the type of care, they just see M.D. or D.O. next to the name and assume, geez, I’ve been getting scripts from everywhere. I don’t think they take into consideration you’re at an urgent care place or an emergency room. If I was doctor shopping I would be trying to score something a little better than Tylenol, which you can buy in Canada over-the-counter. It’s not always convenient to get to my internal medicine doc because they keep normal hours. I typically do dumb stuff on the weekends or after 6p.m. and the first place I go to is an urgent care place if it’s bad enough. I usually always get Tylenol, but like last week, got Vicodin that I didn’t fill because it doesn’t do anything for me. Any maintenance meds I’m on always come from the same doctor, always. I do pharmacy shop, but I don’t think that’s against the law, lol. My Adderall is the hardest thing to find in stock at any pharmacy right now. There is a nationwide shortage so most don’t have it. I found 2 pharmacies that are pretty good about keeping it in stock for me though. It’s a damn good thing I’m not someone who would go bonkers without their meds for a few days though, because sometimes I have to wait a few days to get it. Those few days nothing gets done or completed right, but that’s why I’m on the stuff.
I normally go to Walgreens to get our scripts filled but they never carry enough in stock for me. A schedule 2 controlled substance script can only be issued for what they got or nothing at all. They can’t fill half of it, order the rest and give you the rest another day, which sucks. Walgreen’s was like, we got 51, but we don’t have 60, so it’s that or nothing. I left because that meant a few days without a refill. I rarely get refills early and always take stuff as directed. The only one I have a hard time is with Ambien. I get Ambien-caused amnesia that starts anywhere from 5-25 minutes after I take it, and from that point forward have no memory of anything I do. There has been a few instances of me going back to take my nighttime meds a couple times in the night and I only find out when I come up a week short on Ambien at the end of the month. Matt has been careful watching my post-Ambien taking activities though the last couple months. I either go directly to bed or I sit on the couch and I’m not allowed to go in the kitchen or master bath (my own rules). If I wake up a lot more tired than I should be, I know to go check my bottle. I don’t expect to be on Ambien much longer anyway. I want to keep it to just the one med, Adderall and of course the boat load of vitamins that I have been bad at taking since we moved.
I meant to get my blood work done today that pisses the lab off, but I completely forgot about that, my b12 shot and my flu shot. The lab hates it when I come in because I get the hardest blood tests done and it takes them a long time to prepare for me. The last time I had it done it took 3 tries before they got my zinc test right because they weren’t using proper tubes and kit. Every 6 months I get the comp. metabolic panel, iron, folic acid, lipid panel, magnesium, phosphorus, PTH, pre-albumin, hemogram w/platelets, differentials, Vitamin D, 1, 25-Dihyd, Vitamin B1 (Thiamine), Vitamin D, 25-Hydroxy (d3), Vitamin B12, copper, vitamin A, zinc and Ferritin. So that’s a lot! There is 60 different tests I get done in those main categories so it’s a little overwhelming to go over my blood results. I did go to the pharmacy to get my flu shot though. I hate Obama but I think I have him to thank for the pharmacy being able to use my insurance to get the shot this year, unlike any other year where it wasn’t accepted. I have to wait 2 more months to get my blood work and b12 shot.
I have to go buy some b12 sublinguals later. It takes a responsible person to be a gastric bypass patient. If you aren’t responsible, you will suffer in the long run with complications and deficiencies. I will openly say I am not responsible when it comes to the protein intake. I suffer a lot with that, but I blame that on the aversion to meats created while I had a Lap-Band for 4 years. I became an involuntary vegetarian because I couldn’t swallow meats during that period. It’s getting better, but like being able to pick out alcohol in foods, I can taste the protein in protein powders and it’s gross. I can’t get past the taste of the powders without gagging. The clear protein drinks i’ve tried feels like it leaves a film on my tongue.
Kids are doing ok in their new schools. I have some concerns about my little Andrew and his performance but I won’t start getting concerned until after Christmas. I had to write the bus driver a note that I had Chris give to her that gave her permission to report my child to the school so he could get detention. Unlike most parents, I want the school to throw my kid in detention if he misbehaves. My kids learn their lesson after one punishment. I get reports home from Chris that Andrew has been sticking his limbs out the window and not sitting down and listening. I won’t tolerate it. There was a new story a couple years ago about this girl in Detroit stuck her head out the bus window and got hit by a branch and she died of head injuries. That scared me because Andrew likes to do that. Chris is starting to get a little attitude. I told him, if it keeps up he’s gonna go to boot camp. I will nip that in the butt before anything gets out of control. We’ve had the Xbox taken away for a week now because of back talking. He might get it back later, but as Meap testing is beginning tomorrow I’m not sure about it yet.
I am never taking my whole family to get pictures done again, at least not til they’re older LOL. We got all the kids dressed up, the girls dressed in matching outfits and we get to the photo studio and both girls started acting up. Ava wouldn’t sit still and wanted to crawl off, and Caitlyn refused to get near the props. If I had my own studio i’d do them myself, but I do more “field” work. Finally, we got the boys to do a photo in a Halloween type scene with pumpkins only to find out that the 3 whole shots we got in for the entire session, Chris wasn’t smiling. So, I ordered 2 crappy photos for $5. The session was a nightmare though, I can’t believe how totally bad that went. I wasn’t expecting it. Half the problem is we had an 11:00 appointment and they kept us waiting around for 45 minutes and the kids got restlesss. Ah well. Here are the pictures. Ava’s is just sloppy and messy for a photographer. The prop fell over, which happens to be a #1 and this was just as Ava was getting ready to crawl away. Then you have the boys, who were cooperative, but we had an impatient photographer who took 2 shots, none of which Chris had put a smile on for.
I’ve lost 6 more pounds. I’m sitting at 160lbs. It’s miraculous that I ruined my first year of gastric bypass with pregnancy and then magically it’s like the weight loss starts off fresh after pregnancy. I’ve been eating like a pig so I don’t get it. I have been on softer foods for the last 2 months so that probably explains the 6lb loss in 4 weeks. I’m into a size 10 pants and I never would have imagined in my life being that size. Still though, soft food don’t mean food that’s good for you. I am limited by what I can safely eat without getting sick or having a runny nose that could fill a lake (happens when I eat certain things or too much), so when I do eat like a pig its probably only in my mind. My stomach is a confusing thing to understand, it has a mind of it’s own. For instance, I might be able to enjoy a small bag of M&M’s, but give me some breaded chicken and I have to lay down for 30 minutes and vomit. Most things that make me sick have to be a combination of 2 bad things. Some people get sick on sugar, or some people get sick on fat content alone. Usually, with a few exceptions, for me to get ill it has to be a combination of high fat and sugar to make me sick. A good example is ice cream, plus that has dairy which a lot of times I can’t tolerate. I would love to eat me some fried Oreo’s at the fair, or make my own, but that’s a disaster waiting to happen. I don’t “dump” as a traditional dumper does, my dumping consists of a rapid heartbeat, sweating, and the worst runny nose you can imagine ever happening. Then the mucus fills my stomach and causes me to vomit from filling up rapidly. It’s a weird thing, and it always only lasts 30 minutes. Anyway, my insurance goal is 125 for my height and weight but i’ll be happy at 150 because people tell me now I look too thin, but I think it’s only because they are used to seeing me extremely overweight. My feet are bony and my hands look bad, left one even worse, but oh well.
So yesterday we took a lot of people to the Toledo zoo. It was Matt and I, Chris, Andrew, Caitlyn, Ava, mom, Paul, Beth, Terry, Cheyenne, Lizzie, Rachel, Julie & Joey. We had 14 altogether I think. There were wayyyy too many kids to keep track of and it was busy, so making sure we all stayed together was important. My brother couldn’t even make it half way through the bridge to the other side of the zoo without having to take a break. It was gross and my mom was getting pissed because she relied on a wheelchair and had a mastectomy 2 weeks ago. She was held back because my brother can’t take 2 steps without stopping. I thought Caitlyn would enjoy the zoo, and she did a couple things, but for the most part she whined and acted scared but really wasn’t. We have a “contributor” membership to the Zoo so we get in free plus we get 10 guest passes per year, so I was hoping Caitlyn would enjoy it more. My freaking brother sat down in the central cafe there, and instantly began doing what he does best… sleeping!! It was busy, crowded, and whatnot. I brought up a very concerning point that I didn’t want him driving with my kids in his car ever if he can nod off in half a second. It’s embarrassing. I publicly posted a video on Facebook the other day of him doing that very thing with him “watching” my child on the porch, and she is only 2, so if I wasn’t watching him “watch” her god knows if she would have wandered off. Here is what he was doing at the zoo:
He is in complete denial of his probably nearly 400lb weight and he doesn’t see the problem. Well, everyone else does, and he should be taking care of my mom, not my mom taking care of him. He’ll end up bed bound someday and she’ll be changing his diapers. I told him if he can find a way to get some insurance I would help him get the surgery. The first words out of his mouth were, “I don’t need surgery, I can do it on my own”. Anybody that tells me that I don’t believe because I’ve been there. You MIGHT lose it all, but you are at great risk of gaining it all back times two if your eating habits don’t change. I’ve watched my brother lose weight, and sure enough gain it back plus some. He says he’s on a diet, but orders 2 fish sandwiches with fries at the zoo. My mom says he’s full of crap.
