So well I went and saw the Hematologist/Oncologist that is closer to my home. Basically I wasted about 2 months of my life. She was frank and told me that I’m losing too much blood somewhere, somehow. Ok, well, all I have to show for that is my *woman stuff* which is like a good gory murder show each month, but aside from that, that’s it. I have so many tests to get done I’m starting to get overwhelmed again. She vigoriously felt up my chest, and she paused on my right boob and then asked me if I ever had a mammogram, I said no. She started feeling again and came to pause between 9:00 and 10:00 on the clock (except on my goods). Then she was like, I want you to get a mammogram, an ultrasound of the right boob, a ct scan of the chest, abdomen and pelvis. I was so into just solving this iron problem, when she told me to discontinue that I kind of felt helpless. She gave me a paper and I went home. I didn’t even realize the “severity” of the tests until Matt asked me how it went and he went and retrieved the paper out of the van. He brought it in and started reading all these tests I have to get, it was overwhelming and scary. In the office she made it out to be no big deal, but I just went through all this with my mom last year, and usually you get a mammogram first then if there is any problems you get an ultrasound. I read the papers, and she had a specific location plotted that she wanted checked. I guarantee I will completely flip out if I get told the ultimate cause for all this is some form of cancer. That scares me. I have to have my blood drawn for multiple myleoma and a few other things too. All these words put terror right into my eye. The plus to this is, if there is any, is that I can’t actually feel or find the spot she could feel something, so if it is there, hopefully it’s small and benigng. My CT scan is this Friday, but I have to wait until June 5th for my Mammogram and Ultrasound.
My bone density test revealed osteopenia, basically thinning bones. I’m not quite at osteoporosis, but It could get that way in as soon as 2 years. The rheumatologist said Flomax or Boniva could be what I will take in a couple years. That explains the breaking bones and hand and foot inflammation though. It did make me concerned that she wanted to send those results to the hematologist, which I really can’t figure out why, and I’m hoping something wasn’t spotted. The bone density test was completely independant of anything the hematologist did. I just want to be better.
All I’m asking god for now is to please just give me a break. This is not normal. I want to feel human, get out and do things without strange things happening. I’m tired of trying to give my history of just the last 3 years alone to every new doctor, but I get to add something to my list every 3 months.
I can’t say I’m not starting to crack. I’m a tough cookie to crack, I’ve always been the strong one, the person everyone else comes too for advice and to talk. Nobody around me is used to me needing the help so they have no clue how to handle it, so says Julie 🙂 My mom never asks how I am, or my brother. My sister doesn’t usually ask to see how I am doing but if I start talking about it she will. With virtually no real support system, it’s hard to keep the faith. I want to have faith that there will be no more, but at the same time I just want to quit. What did I do in life to deserve all this? I have done nothing but help each and every person that needs help, rarely ever taking but always giving. All I can say is I pray for the best outcome possible.
So anyway, baseball season is upon us! So far I’ve only heard from Chris’ coach. This year Caitlyn gets to play and I’m excited to see that!! Andrew will play too, but he don’t like it much, so this will be his last year if he don’t cooperate. Chris is excited. His first practice is tomorrow at Munson Park by the airport.
I started working on some resin jewelry. I’ve only got unfinished pieces right now, but after the inflammation in my hands calm down I will likely wrap them in wire or put them on some bezels or something. I try my hardest to be creative but I’m just not sure. Pics to follow!
Andrew, Ava, Caitlyn, and Matt are all sick with some bug. Andrew had it the worst, but I’m hoping it doesn’t spread to me!! Ah well if it does I can’t imagine feeling any worse, so there is a benefit!! 🙂
Mother’s day was unfortunate. Matt tried but I was more concerned with the fact that not one of my kids even cared to say happy mother’s day! I can understand the girls, but Chris and Andrew really hurt my feelings. We took my mom to dinner at All American Buffet which was really crowded and enjoyed that, so that was the good part of my day.
I bought all my flowers for the year at Schwartz in Romulus once again. Getting the energy to go out and plant them is the other challenge. I will do it today if the weather holds up. I bought mostly petunias in my favorite colors, purple and “candy striped” variety, as well as some pinkish ones. I also got 2 hanging baskets of impatients (which I hate because they really are impatient if you don’t water them daily. Chris picked out a bleeding heart basket, which I love and so do they.
My veggie patch looks horrific. I left it up to Matt to get out there and keep it watered by hose but I don’t think the pressure is there to water them. They looked dried out and dead and I will be flaming pissed if all that growing work has failed me. I just can’t leave garden work for Matt to do, otherwise it doesn’t get done or done right. That is my speciality!
Matt got an invitation in the mail to his sister’s wedding. The keyword in there is “Matt”. Apparently the rest of us weren’t actually invited. If we were, proper wedding etiquette says it must be addressed to those invited. For something I was looking forward too if I could get past what is going on, I felt like crying when I seen that invitation. It’s likely they are under the impression that if I can’t go that Matt will and that isn’t going to happen. Right now I need assistance in even the most stupidest tasks, and I get driven to my appointments since I’ve lost my mind and am too scatterbrained. I have sent out many invitations in my life, so the address job was somewhat blatant. Oh well, makes me sad but whoever really cared about how I feel. If I didn’t feel that everyone on Matt’s side of the family is anti-children, I might have taken that differently.
Oh well, I will write again when I have more to say 🙂