The Holidays – 2014 Edition

The holidays are always tough.  There is always a reason they are tough, though, this year tops them all.  Still, this time last year I had all of my family.  I had my best friend, I still had everything yet at this moment in time, my family is dead to me, both in reality and literally.  Nothing is left except what I make of it, my kids, my new “friends” whatever. I rely on whatever source I can to provide me just ounces of happiness that I can achieve. I am a family person, always been there, done that, achieved everything with some family.  My real family, related by blood, suck in every way possible, what is left of them anyway.  I have one two sole blood related family members I barely speak too.  One is my cousin Rachel on Facebook, and the other is my brother’s daughter, my niece Rachel on Facebook.  The rest can kiss my fat ass.   I have no mother, I have no father, my sister & brother are dead to me, and my best friend may as well be dead to me as well. It only took almost a couple decades for reality to set in with my best friend.
My Christmas tree I put up in honor of my mom, whom last year I put up my first real tree ever, and decorated it with decorations she replaced after most of mine went lost in our move to FL, sits bare in the corner, except for a couple strings of lights.  The outside of my house, which normally is the “Griswold” style of decorations (over done lol), sits lame on the block.  This year I feel I have little to be thankful for. I know the few things I am thankful for this year, the new connections i’ve made, the few happy moments, the few exciting moments, but in general, at home, nothing has changed except gone downhill.  I sit in silence while chaos erupts around me.  2 of my 4 kids are seemingly failures in school and I don’t know why. I didn’t raise them that way.  What else can I do alone?  Alone yes, because dad thinks that cleaning and maybe giving them everything they want is the solution for cooperation when growing up in the “hard knock” lifestyle tells me otherwise.
To be continued….