Is it stress or bullshit?

I have not been well lately. I know the whole idea of getting used to the fact that my kids donor all of a sudden rejects his kids and tries to rid of them all the time is a huge stress factor for me, only because that did not top my list of possibilities after I got rid of him.  I guess I never figured he’d rather spend more time staring into computer at some dog who is likely just after one thing, a green card or money.  Mike and I went to see the Blue Man Group in Orlando like 3 weeks ago. It uses lots of strobes and lights and I started feeling dizzy then.  It sorta progressively got worse.  He hasn’t seen me feel great almost since we met, which is why I sometimes think stress.  But then, last week my equilibrium was off. My ears hurt and I have an issue with my stomach i’d rather not talk about.  I couldn’t eat or drink much.  Last Thursday came around, I asked Matt nicely if he’d take the girls for the afternoon because I couldn’t leave my bed because I was puking and weak.  He shows up to my house, walks in, gets the girls ready, and I yell at him because the minute he ever walks in all hell breaks loose and I’m tired of hearing my kids reject him.  So what does he do?  For the 4th time since March, he ran away like a cry baby whiny little pussy. He left the girls dressed and screaming for him at the front door.  I didn’t really know that.  In fact, I never even knew my kids were home alone with me in bed.. He never told me he was leaving without them like a wuss.  So sometime that afternoon I attempted a shower. I couldn’t walk right, I kept stumbling.  After getting out of the shower I slipped and fell upper chest first into tile.  I laid there for god knows how long before I heard Mike’s voice say my name.  I can’t remember much. I tried to shake it off, but the pain got worse and worse as the days progressed.  Almost a week later today, I go into the hospital and they tell me I had a collapsed lung. No wonder why it hurt to breath so bad. But hey, when you are alone most days and have an asshat ex-husband who is selfish and probably wishes my death, I didn’t want to have him here while I go to the hospital, he’d leave me to die.
So I hurt really bad.  Plus I can’t deny i’ve had some seriously bitchy moments the last month. I can’t help it, I was robbed of my life and he thinks just paying his bill to me is all he has to do.  I’m just in so much pain. i don’t let onto it though. The hospital could see the pain because I didn’t even ask for anything but they gave me something that made me loopy.  I can’t sit straight, it just freakin hurts.  They said hopefully in the next week i’ll recover.  I hope so i’m driving to Punta Gorda on “business” early Friday morning until Sunday.  I have to maintain my toughness.  So hard though.
I told Matt I’m moving far away in 6 weeks so that he can never hurt the kids again like he did this past week with Chris’ b-day and rejecting them on Father’s Day.  I want too so I’m seriously looking into moving to the gulf side at least.  I fully think he is planning on skipping the country because some things he’s said and done make me suspicious.  I don’t know though, he’s just cold.