…Still Very Emotional

Published on: May 1, 2008 @ 20:11 – 
Emotions are still running wild within me.  Everyone knows my dad and I had our moments (or years!) when we didn’t speak.  We had totally different values and opinions on certain things.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him or care about him.
Up to this point, I have had very little emotional support from most people.  I have had like 3 responses from friends on my “friends” list.  It hurts a little.  I guess I know who my “friends” are.  Thank you to those that responded and offered condolences.  I appreciate it.
I had to re-live everything over again.  My grandma was admitted to the ICU just a few doors down from where my dad died.  Every time I visit I have to walk by that room and see those same nurses.  The first day we went in there, there was a man laying in the bad my dad died in, who looked very similar to him, and was also on a ventilator.  He wasn’t there today, so naturally I assume he also passed on.  It freaks me out.  Thankfully my grandma will be ok we think.  She has pneumonia and a bladder infection.  The last thing I need to do is lose 3 relatives in less than a month, let alone in less than a year.
I was contacted by MedCure (body donation company), and they will have his ashes back to me in about 2 1/2 weeks.  I plan on going up north in June so I hope to spread his ashes then.  If my brother or Aunt would like to split the ashes, I am willing to do that.  Paul is creeped out by it I think – you know, opening the box to split them.   He says we should just spread him whole.  Ok, that sounds funny and I need some humor, but it’s morbid to think about.  Part of me wants to honor his wish (he joked about it often) and strap him to a rocket and blow him up.  That sounds even worse but he always joked about it.  We could always get a bottle rocket and set it off over Lake Huron with some of him attached.
I start up classes in a couple weeks.  That will be hard to keep my concentration. I’ll have to deal with it.
I thought 2008 would be a great year, but it’s turning out to be horrible and wretched.  I don’t know how I cope.  I have suffered more in losses with my father, my grandma, and a couple other incidences than I should have gone through.  Bring on 2009 already.
My 8th wedding anniversary is in 4 days and I can’t even begin to think about it.  What a shame.