Step by Step, Heart to Heart, We All Fall Down…

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left, we all fall down… like toy soldiers. I used to be that soldier that never blew their composure, til the whole weight of the world sat on my shoulders. Yes, those lyrics and that song/video say a lot.  They almost say exactly as life has been for 6 weeks.  If I have to blame 2 humans, we have Matt who is responsible for destroying me emotionally, financially, and my health.  Though divorced just over a year, he has recently done some shameless things to destroy his kids and I, all while knowing he can sit back in my chair at his “flat” and wait til it’s over.  The 2nd person to blame is just nasty and disgusting and I’ll wish him death til he dies, really… someone who joked about what he did to me, ultimately contributing to my condition. As far as blaming institutions, well, the old standards Wyandotte and Southshore get it this time, for misdiagnosing me and then causing my body to go into sepsis because of it.  Their deliberate inability to perform sterile procedures contributed. This is just a very small part 1 of god knows how many parts. I am still in the hospital.  I was in critical condition for 3 of my 4 days in the ICU. I’m still very bad off, and will be potentially released with a death sentence or just a depressing few days of figuring it out before I succumb to it all.  I’ve lost an insane amount of memory, precious memories.  I’ve retained some bad ones though. I need to start a GoFundMe page for what Matt has done to me financially.  I’m just done for.  Just keep reading, that’s all I need from anyone. I have nobody, not a soul to visit, not a soul  to care, no advocate, and nothing but loneliness.  To grasp any concept of clinging to life in an ICU and nobody there to say it’ll be ok is devastating. This is a temporary stop so I can see the nurse here, I’ll call this part 1 of __.