Some tough choices ahead…
Do I stay in FL or do I leave for MI? Worse yet do I leave FL and move to a completely different part of the country? I do miss home and the connections I have. Why did I ever bring a lifeless nobody like Matt who can’t even make eye contact with his own kids to a strange place? I think it was my mom who was with me. I wanted it better for her. Look where that got me.
I’ve made some great new friends here, but is it enough? I’m not feeling the tug from my new connections enough I suppose. Not everyone knows how conflicted I am. My friends in Detroit do, very much. I’m almost expected to move home.
I have to weigh the pro’s and cons of all of it. I won’t be returning the person I left as. In fact I plan on ditching most everything I own for it’s connections to others I want nothing to do with. I suppose maybe I’m waiting for the possibility that the man off my dreams will show up. All that person has to be is thoughtful, caring, and giving towards others. Not selfish, not influenced by others’ opinions and someone who can tolerate my crazy quirks. Someone who won’t ignore me. Someone to travel the globe with. Someone to be a role model for the kids.
I have no problem getting dates with guys age 21-25… however, I have four kids, and being I’m fixed I can’t promise anybody that young they’d ever have a family. The types attracted to me down here are very much italian men. Why? I dunno maybe my cooking reminds me of their mamma’s… lol.
I just have a lot of thinking to do. I don’t trust Matt and his intentions. I gotta keep my legal eye out on him, though i’m pretty certain my counsel backed settlment is rock solid. It’s not that i’m worried about, it’s that nasty part of every brit’s genes that likes to go abroad a lot without any worry. But, he knows I would chase him down to the ends of the earth til the he or I dies, at any cost, just for my kids. He has had my warnings and I have people who would help me do that. Once you lose my trust, I will have my damn eye on everything you do. He still lies.
However, I’ll give Matt some credit recently. Yes brit family, how about that, read on… he did help me out with the kids when I broke my back and got them food and took me to the docs and get my scripts filled. He also came here so I could go via ambulance since I couldn’t move. So yes, I am capable of giving credit where credit is actually deserved. He didn’t have too. Well, guilt would have made him but whatever.
I can walk now again, mostly painless. Strangely, it’s driving that sucks. My body cast thing I have made it so much worse to drive. I can’t quite bend over to get the girls shoes on either or pick up much off the floor and the kids aren’t so helpful there.
Ok… back to pondering my life choices.
