"A massive life epiphany, caused subliminally…"
“A massive life epiphany, caused subliminally…” – To say the least anyway. Ah, that’s what “friends” are for right? To make you think and wonder. I could finish that quote with a good song, poem whatever that is all rhyme and reason, just because I creatively think too… which often sees me trouble when I get too creative in my thinking 🙂
The worst possible thing that anybody can do is leave me hanging on a cliff. It drives me insane. In fact, I know the person who is doing it, is loving it and it’s giving them an insane ego & power trip, ha ha. It’s bad enough I have to think think think all the time, but then you add an element to my life that just makes you go, “Huh?” is insanity for me. I hate not knowing. I go bonkers at not knowing. I go insane when I’m not in control, lol.
To my point… I have spent so many years and probably thousands of hours helping others and giving advice via phone, email, text, whatever. I watched these people just take the wanted advice that I gave them for granted. Sometimes it was unwanted advice and either they just didn’t listen to reason, or they get found dead within days from intervening. I’m like my grandma, I always have those great words of wisdom to others.
My epiphany today was, that without even knowing it (subliminally), my mind and thought processes are being controlled by one person. This person enjoys control, that’s fine. I’m extremely envious at this person however, because they have the power and the capability to say certain things in a certain way that on the surface makes you want to bitch slap them a few times, whatever it does, it digs it’s way deep into my mind. While I don’t actively think about this person too terribly much in any given day, everything I do is because of what this person has said to me. I only realized that while watching one of my videos. I can’t make anyone listen to me in 15 years, but me? Strong me? I’m an extremely hardened exterior shell that was only just starting to crack open a little bit under pressure. Nobody could influence my thoughts. I’m an independent thinker. Well, no, I’m not I guess. This person was able to slide his thoughts through whatever small opening in my mind there was. This person purposely irritates me, and they get their jollies off on that 🙂 It’s very frustrating now to me. I’m so extremely envious that any one person has that ability when I don’t and I’ve spent my life trying too. I don’t even know what my purpose is, but hey, creativity draws in everybody I’ve learned and well, that’s all I know now. I won’t complain too much.
Anyway… the falling out of my own sister and best friend went down just like this.
Most of my life has been lived very morally. I don’t look up to anyone, and I don’t stare down at people. I want everyone my equal. It took 13 years to help Julie out of her situation, and in the end she ignored everything I had said for 13 years and found a guy she liked and that’s all that situation took. Then she stopped talking to me. Then I moved to Florida and all hell broke loose. After one of my visits to the Detroit area this summer, I said I’ve had enough. She’s blind to me, she is so used to taking me for granted that it was OK her son mouthed off at me and was rude. It was ok for her and my sister to sit at a table with me (at a dinner I was paying for), basically act like I don’t exist because they are both getting married at the same place a couple months apart in 2015. Then both my sister and her said I was only going to be backup photograph, or in charge of the video. My own sister who asked me to do photography for her wedding stabbed me in the back that night at dinner when she just casually mentioned as if it were nothing. Streams of tears started flowing as I put my head down. I don’t cry in public and never to my sister and best friend. I couldn’t hide it though. My sister looks over at me and she says, “What? are you upset?” As if. I left and haven’t spoken to either of them since. Before this all happened while I was sitting at the table I jokingly asked my sister to unblock me from Facebook again (she does that crap to people). Her response was, “No, I think it’s best you stay blocked.”. Never in a million years did I think my own sister would do this stuff. Is she capable of homicide? Yes. Is she a spoiled rotten brat? Yes. Is she the most insanely miserable bride-to-be? Definitely. But she was like my best friend. She wouldn’t come down for our mom’s death. She completely betrayed me.
Where am I left now? I have a lot of blank space to fill in. I’m pushing forward as a different person now. I’m branching out, making new friends. The investment I made into one friendship was always one-sided. It’s not like anyone has ever done anything for me. My life’s purpose was to help others and not ever want anything in return. My heart still says that but my brain is starting to change it’s tune. I cope through music & humor. That’s all I got to go on.
Just for a laugh… 🙂
