A long July post!
Oh life…..such a lovely thing.
Ok well the rest of the day. Yes me knee’s still hurt me really bad, and despite that, my ignorance got the best of me and I still managed 3 1/2 miles this morning. Although, the gym must have stunk like icy hot… I could smell it really strong the whole time I was walking and I felt sorry for the guy on my left. Matt was on my right, but he’s Matt so I could care less if he smelled that because he knew I was hurt… but man oh man it was making my eyes water. I had remnants on my hands so everytime i’d wipe the sweat away i’d get it in my eyes. Sometimes I just don’t think. I kept chugging away, painful step after painful step. It’s an obsession I can’t get over.
Then I sat in their “warm” tub which now I understand why they call it the warm therapy pool and not a hot tub. I let the jets hit my knee’s, and actually they are not as painful tonight. I’ll still pop a couple narcotics into my system to help me get up the stairs and go to bed. I’m a crippled old woman at the age of 25. I enjoy the rush of a near death heart rate on those machines. I do the maximum incline for about 30 minutes, and then I cool down. I think I maxed my heart out at around 190 beats per minute — yes, insanely close to death But it doesn’t really affect me too terribly much. If I felt the slightest bit faint or nauseated i’d get off of it.
I don’t know what’s come over me lately. I’m obsessed with getting old looking. The picture in my profile is of late last year, and I look youthful. My 2nd child has made me look like an old hag. The contstant stress has worn me down, and I have some wrinkles and my skin is looser. Although, some of that can probably be attributed to my weight loss, still I miss it. If anything I look worse now – shaped better, but worse in a way. Grrrr. My husband hears this from me all the time – he’s probably sick of it. Even my friend Julie hears me complain. But they must notice too. All I keep hearing is “Girl, your looking better”, yeah physically, but what about facially!? I have a tired look to me, but who wouldn’t if their children drove them up the wall every single day of existence?! I mean, I have my angels, but they aren’t angels all the time, in fact, most days I end so upset — seeming like a failure, even though i’m not.
I almost watched my child drown today. I paid just about $100 for swim lessons for Chris, and he’s got one lesson left (out of 5), and I thought he’d learn something. Well today while I was in the warm therapy pool, Matt, Andrew, & Chris were in the regular pool. Chris wanted to join me, so he heads for the steps, which I completely forgot were in deeper water. So I seen him walk until he loses his footing. He didn’t sink straight under, but he kepts bobbling up and down in the water, and he was yelling help. I was helpless because I was so far away, and Matt just sat there and froze until I yelled at him to help me. Where the flip was the lifeguard??? Not even paying attention. If we hadn’t noticed, what would have happened? My boy was so scared after that. Although I did tell him what a big boy he was, because he did not sink straight down…. he paddled enough to at least bobble up and down to catch his breath. Guilt has torn me all evening. Yes if something happened it would in theory have been my fault, but i’m still angry at the lifeguards at the pool. She should have noticed a child screaming for help. She didn’t though. That is pure incompetance.
Ah well…. this is a pity me kinda day. It really ended a good day, with some iffy bits in the middle or so, but all was ok. We took the kids to my grandma’s house in the evening to play in a baby pool and we all through water balloons at each other. My brother Paul couldnt’ figure out how to fill them, so we had an advantage on him. Needless to say Matt ended up the target, as he usually is. We pounded my mom too. She kept saying, “And there you ruined my pop again”… because we kept spilling her pop with balloons.
I downloaded a really crappy version of Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and we watched it. It’s always lovely to watch a version that someone recorded on their camcorder in a theatre. At many points during the film the guy kept zipping up his coat and blocking the movie because an usher would walk by or something. You could also see people getting up to use the bathroom. It’s good enough for Chris to watch though until it comes out.
Ok for some reason when I did my four miles on the treadmill the other day for an hour and a half I severely injured both my knee’s in the process. I’ve been walking like an old woman for the last few days and it huge amounts of pain. It seems like i’m getting a lot of sports injuries at my rip old age of 25. I sware i’m falling apart. Somehow I kept going… I walked on the treadmill for insane amounts of time for the following two days afterwards!
I hobbled through the mall last night smelling intensly like Icy Hot and ate some frosting at Cinnabon – yes what a gross habit. I’m going to apply some of my gay ben treatment (bengay) and go walking some more on the treadmill at the Y in a minute. I’m going to feel like being struck down by god while i’m doing it because i’m pushing through the pain. The only reason i’m doing it is because I’m pretty sure it’s just muscle pain, and I need to work them more. At some point i’ll be like the rest and run for miles rather than walk, but I think I need a few more pounds to come off first. I feel like a goofus running at the moment, so I stick to that on my treadmill here at home. People can’t understand why I go to the Y to tread when I have a good treadmill in my basement….! Perhaps i’ll go swimming also – which is like no impact on me knee’s then relax in the “warm therapy pool” aka hot tub afterwards. I’m falling to bits.
I don’t know what i’m doing this weekend, surely not going to the Wyandotte art fair like I wanted too because it’s going to be 95 degree’s out. I hate heat, and would give anything to move away from this… but I just can’t leave my love for Southgate behind !
