All these dang surgeries!
So I should start writing more again. I love to write, but these days with the new baby and my other hobby of sweeping, it’s hard for me to find time to sit down and write.
So let’s see… this year so far, I have had a c-section, endoscope, lap-band removal, and a tonsillectomy. If everything goes right, I will have a gastric bypass sometime in September or early October. It’s been one heck of a “surgical” year if you include the fact that both of my boys had their tonsils removed in May.
I had my lap-band two weeks shy of 4 years. I lost 90lbs. I haven’t lost a single pound in 2 years. It was good while it lasted, but it was rough, real rough. You may be asking why I have chosen to finish the job with the gastric bypass. I’m ready for it. I have tried and tried and tried on my own. If you include the fact that I have already had weight loss surgery and STILL not lost all the weight, I have put in my effort. I struggle every single day with the scale… regardless of what I am eating. The last two weeks before my band removal, I was pretty much on soft foods, and liquids. Did I lose anything? No! What has come to light now, rather than 4 years ago… is a lapband is meant for “lightweights” with less than 80lbs to lose. I started out with 170lbs to lose. So I lost 90lbs. I feel better, I can do a lot more things now and my appearance has dramatically improved, my friends can tell you that. Pictures are worth 1,000,000 words in that regards. However, I am still not happy. I have a desire to wear tank tops… well that ain’t gonna happen until I have plastic surgery on my underarms next year, regardless if I have gastric bypass or not. I have never been able to wear a tank top since I was a child. I have “cooper” arms, which genetically predispose me to extra flabbiness.
I am ready to undergo this next procedure. I am psychologically ready. I even had my psych. evaluation the other day to prove it. I have been through hell and back with the first few weeks after a lapband. I am ready to do that again to a slightly worse degree. Protein shakes will be my life for a few weeks, with every day depending on that protein and water. After a couple weeks I can move on to pureed food. Yep, baby food. Then after two more weeks I can move on to soft foods, such as mashed potatoes and refried beans. I am told this is when it gets psychologically better. Then a couple more weeks until full foods.
I tell you, I hate being able to eat again. Since I had my band removed, I can eat normal again and it’s an uncomfortable feeling knowing that I am in control of myself again. I am scared to gain back the weight. Initially back in early July I was going to go for a Duodenal (doo-wad-deen-all) switch. Basically they rearrange your insides, removing everything from the gall bladder to the appendix. This was my choice until I found out my insurance company only covers this procedure for those who are super morbidly obese… like 400+ pounds. Well I barely qualify for any bariatric surgery. I am within 5lbs of not qualifying at all, even with my type 2 diabetes (which is all but gone). I can only get a roux-en-y gastric bypass, which is ok by me. I may never eat sugar again, but that is a consequence I am willing to have just to feel like a woman, and feel like a human being.
What most people don’t realize is that overweight people have no sense of fitting into society. Only when you are fat, do you realize what that means. Skinny people have no idea. Even IF I lose all of the weight, and get down to a size I have never been, it’s not like I will change. I still sympathize with most overweight people… I won’t become a hater. When I go to the gym today, and I see someone who is double my size, I don’t remark, oh how gross, or that must be a lazy fat person. Instead, I feel sorry for them because I know what they go through, and I know that they will struggle. I seen someone coming out of the Y today, and I commented to my sister that nothing she does on her own will probably help this woman. I don’t care, I am proof, that it doesn’t matter how much will power you have, when you are that overweight, there is probably a 95% failure rate with diets. For some people, surgical intervention is the only way. I don’t think it is MY only way now… it was back in 2005, but now, I just need it to feel better, to feel human. I’ll be missing 85% of my stomach afterwards, but that is ok. It’s a permanent change I can live with. Who wants to gorge down their food anyway.
Of course, this is AFTER I get insurance approval, which should be no problem because I have met all of their requirements including the 6 month diet stuff. I pray for approval. You never know, insurance companies suck butt, but we have excellent medical coverage.
Aside from all of this I have my tonsillectomy tomorrow morning. I had to have a psych. evaluation for the gastric bypass…. what they should have done was give me the psych. eval for this. I would not have passed! There are two things I fear with surgeries… brain surgery and anything involving the mouth. Well, tomorrow I am facing one of those fears. I had a horrific wisdom tooth extraction surgery experience, and since then i’m really traumatized by anything touching my mouth. I have been told by my doctors that this WILL be a painful recovery. How many times do you ever hear that from a doctor? Usually they sugar coat things for you. The other procedures I’ve had so far this year have had excellent recoveries… and those were more major. I still can’t feel my abdomen from my c-section. And my lapband removal wounds are healing up nicely with very little pain involved. I am definitely fearing the worst for tomorrow. Thankfully I have a half full bottle of vicodin (I think about 50 pills) and a couple bottles of Tylenol with codeine from when the boys had their tonsillectomies.
So what else is new aside from my moaning and complaining… not much I don’t think. Our summer has been good so far. I would have liked to have gotten up north one time this summer, but with all the surgeries and stuff, squeezing it in is kind of hard. We did get an awesome trip to Florida in, so i’m happy. Hopefully we’ll go to England in the winter or spring. I need to get Caitlyn a passport and mine expires in October.
The kids start school in September. Chris starts on the 8th and Andrew starts sometime in the 3rd week. It will be very nice to have both of them in school. Andrew is going to be a pain in the rumpass though… hopefully he does well in school. Chris was an angel in school! I think Andrew will come home with notes pinned to him.
My sister finally got a job, YAY! At Concessi’s. Even my brother got a job with Henry Ford in Grosse Pointe. It’s a working kind of a family now. I was going to hit the books this fall again, but being I’m planning on having a couple more surgeries, it’s not a wise choice. When I’m done messing with my body I’ll finish up. Maybe then i’ll have the confidence to do it all. Heck, maybe i’ll even get a job. I don’t need one, but you know, doing something with your life makes a person feel good! I love being a stay-at-home mom, but it sucks to sit here and do nothing all day. That is some peoples dream, but it gets old after 7-8 years. It’s not what’s meant for me for the rest of my life. I’m not a normal “housewife”. I hate to clean, but I do it because I have too. I do love vacuuming and carpet cleaning though 🙂 I have a robot to do my kitchen floors because the kids and dog destroy it every single day coming in the door. I get pissed when I mop and the dog comes in from the yard and tracks mud on it like 10 minutes later.
Ok, well I need to go to the store now – must shop!
