*I had a scare tonight that I thought would land me back on the operating table, but thankfully that can be avoided this time!* Tonight I cried profusely when I had to go to the hospital. Mercy Memorial was surely not on my list. I went back to where I knew I would get good care. Sometimes it’s slow, but Oakwood Southshore is always worth the wait. I’m suffering from abdominal pain still resulting from my incident at Mercy, and subsequent diagnosis from Mercy of “Ileus”. Which I had no idea what that even was until tonight, and it all makes perfect sense now. I cried even more and about had a panic attack but controlled it (no Xanax in weeks), when I had to go back to that horrific date and explain how and why this pain started. At that point, I get so angry at Mercy. The doctor at Southshore openly recognized that they do not do NG tubes (blind or otherwise) in patients with Roux-en-Y gastric bypass, it’s too risky he said. That was the doctor talking. A nurse came in and said, well…… sometimes it depends on the severity. She said acetaminophen overdoses and with more toxic substances they use extreme caution and guidance when inserting the tube. I explained what happened to me, right down to pulling up my own medical records on my website in front of them, and they said no, that is not justified what they did to me. Even if I did what they said, there is an antidote for it, and it’s not charcoal. When they told me their policy, it just made me all the more enraged at Mercy for their negligence towards me. I don’t have to lie about anything I have nothing to hide because I’m innocent on everything and it’s all in writing.
I was so scared tonight they were going to pop in and tell me I had another large mass growing because the pain i’m in mirrors exactly what I felt 2 months after my gastric bypass surgery which in turned caused me to have a pregnancy from hell. Thank god is all I have to say that I do not. I still have illeus, and I also have a lot of fluid build up….. cause undetermined, but somehow I don’t think it’s coincidence that it started the very same week Mercy happened. The pain kind of kept multiplying day by day until I reached my breaking point today, when just touching my abdomen caused horrific pain. I just wanted Tylenol and I asked for Tylenol, but I got a script for Vicodin. I will not fill it though, I’d rather risk an NSAID for now. I have met my goal of no Xanax (despite having a whole bottle) for about 3 weeks now I think. It was a close call today though in the hospital when all that got brought up. I had it with me just in case, but I asked them should I take one now, and they were like, no let’s stick to your goal. They then gave me 4mg of morphine which is A LOT and shot it in my IV super quick, and I felt like I was dying for a minute with my head shutting down, and then 5 minutes later felt no relief at all. That’s why I don’t bother getting pain meds aside from Tylenol anymore because something is effed up in my system with tolerance and nothing works. I fear surgery more now than ever before because I’m afraid of the pain and not having relief. Even when Ava was born that was excruciatingly painful because at that point, I had built up 7 months of tolerance to pain meds, so nothing worked. Nobody was allowed to come in the recovery room until i could stop crying from pain and it never happened. They finally gave in and let my husband and friend come back to see me (they seen baby a lot before me), but they ended up finally the next day giving me a pain pump, but I don’t want to go through that again.
With gastric bypass comes sacrifice, but I will never say it hasn’t been worth it. Though, *I still look in the mirror and see a 320lb person*, it is getting better. Once I can get all the nasty hanging skin removed, it’ll be even better. I’ve never been one for makeup but try to get my hair done once and a while. I value my personal appearance a lot more now than I ever did before, at least when I leave the house.The constantly sagging clothes, like my 12’s falling off my ass while holding my 2 girls today while walking into the pharmacy are good reminders it’s working. Sure, i’ve dealt with anxiety because of all this and the deaths and family cancer problems, but I really think I can pull through with little to no damage in the end and return to my former self (happy, satisfied, but not fat). Once I can look in the mirror and recognize the change, it will be great, but it takes time.
When you grow up your entire life pretty much at the very least 100lbs or more overweight, you don’t know what it’s like to be this small. I probably weighed this in 5th grade last.My insides might be rotting away from the inside out, lol, but nothing life threatening ever! It made my last pregnancy a nightmare from hell, but if it didn’t happen on accident I wouldn’t have my precious little sweet cheeks Ava, who turns 1 in just 2 more days! It was strange celebrating my 1 year gastric bypass anniversary with the birth of of my 1 year old Ava. You go through that life threatening surgery, and you find out your pregnant, I felt like I just did all that for no reason. I prevailed though, and that’s all that’s important. Now if I could get this anxiety straightened out and get back on the treadmill, life will be back to A-OK 🙂 I’m going on no Xanax for like 3 weeks I think, so I’m doing good.
There are some people in my life that really need to take this drastic step, like my brother. Watching him breath today while sleeping on the porch was a reality check. I discussed with him what I went through, how much I lost, and how much better it is than when I had a band and was puking all the time. If he could only just get insurance and a job. It’s affecting his ability to be employed, to help my mom while she has cancer, and it’s quite obvious he has sleep apnea at the very least. He is in severe denial. He grew up pencil thin as 99% of my family did (I was the exception) but he still thinks he can run a mile and do 50 push ups (severe denial). He has told me for the last 6 years that I have taken the easy way out and insulted me about it, while he sits there over 2.5x my size now at least. It was not an easy route, it never is. I have paid in more ways than one with my own health and it’s hard, but you learn to live the new life.
Thank you Tinkerbell’s Mentor for your inspiration, and thank you Laura for being my room mate and talking to me before and after our shared date along with Ms. Suzy for letting me help you out and talking to me about it, I remember your process well! Without it, I wouldn’t be where I’m at now.I will get around to posting my truly *after* pics very soon. I have to get my hair & eyebrows done again soon, they look like utter crap and have to buy some fitting clothes before that though!
This weekend we ventured out to O’Samurai Japanese Steakhouse in Taylor, MI. The last time Ava was there she was a week or two old. She really enjoyed the view!
This past weekend we took Caitlyn to a Spirit Halloween Store for her first real “spook” LOL – Not much video because my camera filled up unfortunately!
Here are some photos I did this weekend of the kids in their new costumes (girls anyway) and some ginormous mushrooms I found out in soybean crops:
